Recently I noticed that I hide my pain. in spite the fact that I spend most of my waking hours trying to deal with it, I am actually ashamed of it, pretending its not there, and only refers to it when it becomes unbearable.
My joint pain is a rigid teacher. i cant afford to stress at any level since it translate to pain immediately. I cant watch sopranos, I can’t create projects as I used to, I cannot be in a disagreement, and I cannot drink coffee ( one of my favorite thing in life ).
I had to turn my life around completely. Every stress cause had to be let go. I did allot of letting go.
but with the recent let go of my house and the move to the city, the pain reached new levels that i simply couldn’t take.
I tried everything from cbd to pharmaceutical but nothing could help me now.
except, I noticed some relief when i was around flowers
their smell, their colours, their presence.
I decided to follow up on that.
I started drawing and painting flowers.
At art school my teacher said I draw plants like portraits, as a compliment, but since it has been almost 30 years. Am I any good? I didn’t care. I was in pain and this was helping me. I just wanted relief…
To my surprise the reactions around me were good.
I was afraid I will get criticised for drastically changing but I guess after trump presidency and covid, me drawing flowers suddenly is not that big of a deal.
At one point I started thinking
If it helps me to draw flowers, maybe my drawing can transfer the effect and help others with their pain?
Clarity. I liked this idea.
I wanted to keep it simple, to avoid stress. So in my mind im a florist, and I simply have a flower shop.
This is not the art world, its not going to be in a gallery , a museum or an art fair. Im not even showing it to art professionals. its just me you and flowers.
Letting go of pain and gaining in some peace
